I developed some translations and have included them all in one blog. Feel free to share with others, but please give attribution to me as the writer. Hope you enjoy them.
- Romneyspeak: The last three years have held a lot of change, but haven't offered much hope. The middle class has been crushed.
Translation: Poor Obama. He's been too slow in fixing the market crash that our policies caused. Those nameless millions that I rarely encounter, unless they're cleaning my house, cooking my food or maintaining one of my many homes, will have to do without a while longer.
- Romneyspeak: This country already has a leader who divides us with the bitter politics of envy.
Translation: Sure, I was born rich and have a $200-million trust fund, but that's because I deserve it. The rest of you peons shouldn't hate. You could be where I am too if you just work a little harder.
- Romneyspeak: Pres. Obama wants to turn American into a European-style entitlement society. We want to ensure that we remain a free and prosperous land of opportunity.
Translation: Obama is foreign; he's different; he's not like us; he can't be trusted.
- Romneyspeak: Obama raised the national debt. I will cut, cap and balance the budget.
Translation: Sure, we Repubs declared two wars and didn't put the expenses on the books, making it appear that we were fiscally responsible. Obama should have been equally devious. My rich friends will keep their tax cuts and the military industrial complex will be fully funded, but those poor saps who depend on Social Security should have put more of their meager earnings aside for retirement.
- Romneyspeak: Obama doesn't see the need for overwhelming American military superiority. I will insist on a military so powerful no one would think of challenging it.
Translation: I know that no government in its right mind would consider directly challenging the U.S. militarily. Obama was able to catch Osama bin laden and disable the Taliban and al Qaeda by using a small, highly skilled group of soldiers in a covert operation. But I have to pretend as though we're unsafe, even with a bloated, overpriced armed forces and thousands of nuclear warheads.
- Romneyspeak: Obama passed Obamacare; I'll repeal it.
Translation: When I was governor of Massachusetts it was politically expedient for me to pass health care legislation for the citizens of my great state. But for the remaining 40 to 50 million Americans whose state governments don't cover the uninsured, F-- 'em.
- Romneyspeak: Obama enacted job-killing regulations; I'll eliminate them.
Translation: Deregulation and the lack of government oversight were among the direct causes of the 2008 economic collapse. But since Obama and the Congress put restrictions on Wall Street, my friends' bonuses have been cut in half. They used to get $100 million; now, sadly, they only get $50 million. That's just plain unfair -- and unAmerican!
- Romneyspeak: Obama lost our AAA credit rating; I'll restore it.
Translation: Wall Street's treatment of real estate and pension funds as though they were gambling chips at a Las Vegas casino weakened U.S. govt credit ratings. The refusal of House Republicans to conduct credible negotiations with Prez Obama during the summer debt crisis was the straw that broke the camel's back. Will our party accept any responsibility for this -- absolutely not!
- Romneyspeak: Obama apologizes for America; I will never apologize for the greatest nation in the history of the Earth.
Translation: America wiped out the American Indian population, took their land and put them on reservations; captured and enslaved millions of African Americans for 250 years, and did nothing about Jim Crow for another hundred years. Most recently, we declared war on Iraq based on lies, killed thousands of Iraqis and have left their country in turmoil. But we don't apologize, we live in a state of perpetual denial.
- Romneyspeak: In break rooms and living rooms, I've heard stories of families getting by on less, of carefully planned retirements now replaced by jobs at minimum wage.
Translation: This was an anecdote that my campaign staff wanted to add to make me appear to be a "man of the people." Truthfully, I've never lowered myself to enter a company break room, I wiped out hundreds of employee pensions with my slash and burn tactics at Bain Capital, and I don't even believe there should be a minimum wage. The hourly wage should be whatever the market will bear and low-wage workers should be happy to have a job at all. You know, in Mexico and Brazil, we only pay 'em $3 a day.
- Romneyspeak: I want you to remember when you weren't afraid to look at your retirement savings or the price at the pump.
Translation: Oops. I really don't want you to look back that far because the last president who delivered peace and prosperity was a Democratic one -- Bill Clinton.
- Romneyspeak: This election, let's fight for the America we love. We believe in America.
Translation: Let's fight to make the White House truly white once again, when those brown people -- the Obamas, including the grandma -- didn't occupy the building at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. "Boy the way Glenn Miller played, songs that made the hit parade, guys like us we had it made, those were the days. And you knew who you were then, girls were girls and men were men, mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. Didn't need no welfare state, everybody pulled his weight, gee our old Lasalle ran great, those were the days!"
